Father

Thirteen years without you,
Long time no see.
You missed my adolescent ups and downs,
We have battles left unfought.

Although I know
You are gone,
I feel your watching gaze,
Perhaps judging,
Appraising,
Or maybe it is an echo,
Catholic guilt.

The child in me cried for you,
Half a lifetime it waited and cried,
Longing, lingering, impatient,
Sometimes angering,
Craving your return,

But no return,
Of course.

Aching need for guidance,
Your child searched for models,
Substitutes,
It was futile.

Late night wisdom,
Bares our faint relationship.
I have spent my time,
Precious time,
Working to win your approval,
In hope, vain hope,
You might come back,
Go back,
To the little boy I was,
When I lost you.



Copyright Pierre Nunns     30 Nov 1984